Postpartum Anxiety

 

Me and my sweet middle child, Zachariah

I know I touched on PPA in last week's post, so it might seem like I'm beating a dead horse to blog about it again. But after hearing about other's PPA experience and how lonely they felt from the lack of conversations surrounding this issue, I felt it deserved another post. 

We hear a lot about postpartum depression, especially in the last few years, and I'm so grateful that it's being discussed. However, PPD and PPA are very different issues, and if you're struggling with PPA, the lack of attention, articles and knowledge about it can feel isolating and lonely. 

When I started experiencing PPA, I didn't even have a name for what I was going through. I thought I was just acting crazy and "sinful". My husband was also frustrated, and unsure of how to handle the breakdowns I was having. It left scars on our relationship we are still working through. 

So what exactly happens during PPA? What does it look like? And most importantly, what do you do if it's showing up in your life? 

Just a disclaimer, I am NOT an expert- I'm not a nurse, doctor, psychologist, or midwife. I'm just a regular woman, a mom of young kids who has gone through these perinatal mood disorders and come out (mostly) on the other side. So take my words with a big grain of salt and always seek professional help!

Looking back, my first signs of PPA were after my second baby (pictured above) was born. I had a toddler, a newborn, I was working from home full time and I was putting a LOT of expectations on myself. I was having anxiety attacks almost daily. 

What's an anxiety attack? For me, it's sort of like that experiment with the vinegar and baking soda in the 2 liter bottle- you know the one, we did it in school as kids. The foam builds up inside the 2 liter bottle until it gets to the top and either blows up the balloon or spills everywhere. 

It would start at the beginning of the day, where I would wake up stressed. I never slept during that time period, between the kids not sleeping and me being unable to go back to sleep because of my racing thoughts. 

Every slightly stressful moment of the day was like that foam building on top of itself, bringing me to the edge. I would sweat, feel panic welling up in my chest, worry that everything I did was wrong, have racing thoughts and feel overheated. 

It seemed like anything in my home that was out of place would scream at me and tell me that I was failing as a mom, because my home wasn't perfect. I couldn't shake those feelings, no matter how hard I tried. Unexplained rage would tumble out of me for unimportant issues. I would have an out of body experience while it would happen- I could see I was melting down over nothing, but I couldn't stop. 

 And my sweet middle child had this way of crying that made me crazy! It's hard to explain, but the minute he would start this cry, my whole body would stop. It was paralyzing. I have vivid memories of being in my kitchen, trying to make an overcomplicated meal- because I equated my worth as a woman with how well I could feed my family- while my baby sat outside the gate, screaming at me. I would just sit on the floor and cry.

 I would wonder why everyone else could manage to get the food cooked, the laundry clean and the dishes washed, and I was stressed to the point of pain over getting a casserole in the oven.  

Anxiety attacks are just one thing that can happen during PPA- other signs are racing thoughts, feelings of dread, constantly worrying that something might harm your baby, the need to be vigilant at all times to protect your child, not being able to sleep, feeling shaky, heart palpitations, bouts of rage, etc. 

Does this sound familiar? Maybe you're going through this same thing. Or maybe you recognize this in your sister, your friend, your wife. 

If you do, there are options for help! 

Firstly, I would recommend identifying the triggers of your anxiety, outsourcing what you can and using the time you would be spending on those tasks on healing yourself. 

For example, if a cluttered house triggers you, hire an organizer to come in and take care of it for you, or reach out to a friend to come help you get rid of the clutter. 

Make the time to do yoga, meditate, set up a counseling appointment to talk through these things. exercise, etc. I know "self care" is talked about all the time and it gets annoying- but it truly is important to avoid parental burnout. 

Reach out to your midwife and OB, and ask for recommendations on local psychologists and therapists. If you need medication, know that it is 100% OK to take it. 

I cannot stress this enough- hire a postpartum doula! I know, I know, I'm biased- but I firmly believe every woman needs the hands on, emotional and mental support from someone who is there just for them. Postpartum doulas are trained to look out for signs of perinatal mood disorders and have a list of resources you can reach out to for help. 

If you or someone you know needs postpartum support, I would love to help you. 

I'm now offering virtual postpartum doula sessions, which are affordable and accessible to anyone, anywhere. Click the link to learn more:

https://www.joyfulparenthooddoulaservices.com/copy-of-postpartum-doula-services

My VIP Facebook group is a great place to find community, resources, support and parental mental health information- and it's only $20 a month. ($10 for the first 25 members!) Join here: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thesemicrunchydoula

If this blog was helpful for you, please feel free to share it on social media and with anyone you think needs this information. Families NEED more support!