Dear mom: it’s ok to hate this stage
I didn’t anticipate that there would be SO MANY hard days, or that I wouldn’t know how to deal with them.
I’m really struggling in the stage of parenting I’m in right now. Honestly, I kind of hate it.
And pre-kid me would have judged that statement so, so harshly, as I know that some of you are doing right now.
If you are offended by that statement, this blog post isn’t for you. And it isn’t for pre-kid me. It’s for the mom who is mourning what she had hoped motherhood would be. It’s for the mom of the neurodivergent child who is struggling to figure out how to parent them. It’s for the mom with postpartum depression. It’s for the mom who is drowning in the daily grind of parenting. It’s for the mom who is trying to find themselves again.
I see you. I hear you. I AM you.
I love my kids, so damn much. And there are days that I really hate parenting them. Both of those things can be true at the same time.
There are times I resent my kids for needing so much of me, so often. My time, my body, my peace, my mental and emotional well-being, my money, my freaking BED… (yes my 3 year old still sleeps with us. No I don’t want advice. Yes I want my own room.) the list of sacrifices goes on.
And yeah, I KNEW that motherhood would entail sacrifices and work and hard days- but knowing something in your head and experiencing it are two wildly different things.
Sometimes, you find that it’s not just a hard day, or a hard week- it’s a whole ass stage that you wish you could hyper speed through!
For each parent, that stage is different. For some, it’s the infancy. For others, it’s toddlerhood. And then for others, it’s the preschool years, or elementary years, or teenage years. Or it may never come at all- which is great for you.
But I want to talk to the parents who are going through a seemingly impossible, awful stage. Where each day feels like you’re slogging through mud, every interaction with your child feels like a battle, and your bones are weary…
It’s okay to hate this stage of parenting.
It doesn’t make you a bad parent. It doesn’t make you evil or ungrateful. It doesn’t mean your kid is bad. It just means it’s HARD. Your feelings and experience are valid.
If you’re worried that your reactions will harm your child- emotionally, physically, mentally- then please seek help. Whether it’s from a postpartum doula like me, or a friend, or a counselor, please don’t do this alone.
Take it from someone who tried to do it alone- it didn’t go well. I’m still healing from that time of my life, and so are my kids.
If you need support, my DMs are always open. My free Facebook group (linked below) is a great place to find like minded parent. I’d love for you to join.
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