Postpartum during the holiday season

Happy Friday! I hope today finds you happy and healthy. 

Last week, I touched on being due around the holidays- this week, I’m writing to the mamas who are newly postpartum. These time of year might feel extra special because you’re celebrating it with your new little one- and it might feel extra stressful because you just had a baby. 

What I want to do for you today is give you permission to do what is best for you. Not that you NEED my permission - but I know for me, getting the advice from another mom who's been there before is often the confirmation I need to what my gut is telling me in the first place.

Let’s paint this picture: You've just had your baby. You're falling in love with your tiny one. You're figuring out your feeding plan and your postpartum body- and then your Mother-in-Law calls to make sure you're coming to the Christmas Eve dinner and your baby will definitely wear that super cute Santa onesie she crocheted for you, right? 

*Music screeches to a stop*

I've been there. After I had my babies, all I wanted to do was sit and nurse them, let my body heal and soak in all that newborn baby goodness. I did NOT want to attend family functions or be held to any outside obligations where I would have to figure out how to nurse privately and keep everyone from kissing my baby! But I also didn't want to be unkind to my family members or friends who were excited to meet my baby and see me again. What do I do?? How do I hold my boundaries kindly? What boundaries should I even have?!

I can only tell you what worked for me, but here's some things I did that made holiday functions much easier. 

1. If it doesn't bring me joy and it's not a requirement, CUT IT OUT. There were some things I simply didn't enjoy or I knew would be impossible with a newborn. So if I could, I politely declined. 

2. If I couldn't cut it out, I gave myself rules. If I there was no way out of an event or tradition, I thought of the things that made it the most stressful for me and I allowed myself room to make it work. For example, if I the event was with someone who expected to hold my baby, but they smelled like smoke, I would hand them a receiving blanket to wear on their clothes so it wouldn't get on my baby. Or if the tradition was several hours long, I would pick a time that me and my baby could handle and gracefully, and without explanation, bow out after that time. I found that as long as I stayed within my own limits and didn't allow spoken (or unspoken) expectations to motivate me, I was much happier. 

3. I allowed myself the freedom to figure out my own normal. After several years of insanely stressful Christmas Eve's and Christmas Days, my husband and I decided that we had had enough. We decided on Christmas Eve, we have our own family Christmas. We don't go anywhere, we don't do anything, we don't see family- it's just us. It was hard at first, because it meant saying no to the Christmas Eve service and to having a roast dinner with my parents and watching the Polar Express with my in laws- but we needed that family time to be rested for Christmas Day activities and to actually enjoy them. It's a boundary we've had for several years now and I look forward to it every year. 

If you want more tips on how to fully enjoy your Fourth Trimester with a holiday flair, come join me in my exclusive Facebook Community here, where we will be discussing this and more all month: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thesemicrunchydoula/?ref=share

 

Happy Holidays, moms- you are rockstars!