Holidays- managing expectations, toxic family and more

Hey hey! It's December 17 already! How the heck did that happen?? This month is going so fast. 

December is, of course, the month we celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas and New Years Eve. Which (usually) means lots of events, family get togethers, spending money, expectations, traditions, sugary foods and so, so much more.

 I LOVED Christmas as a kid. My grandparents would come visit for 2 weeks straight and my mom made these amazing pastries called Tea Ring. And of course, I loved the presents! Now that I'm a grown up (or that I pretend to be), I still love the holidays, but the tho BF a I enjoy are different. (Except for the presents. I LOVE getting presents!) There have been many years where it's also been stressful. I think most moms feel the same way I do, and I wanted to share with you guys the things I struggle with this time of year, to offer solidarity. 

1. Money stress

The pressure to spend astronomical amounts of money on my kids and family members is, for me, enormous. Maybe it's leftover hardwire from when they were babies and every time they made a noise, I jumped up to meet their needs. When my kids say, "Mommy, look at that $4000 toy Tesla! I want one for Christmas!" my mind immediately starts to race and figure out how in the world I can provide that for them. And then I feel insanely guilty because I know there's no way I can or want to get that for them. And then there's the OPPOSITE pressure I feel- getting them any presents is buying into consumerism and I should only buy my children what they need, I'm going to spoil them, the only presents I should buy should be made out of recyclable material, etc. Then there's the pressure of the actual budget I am working with. "Is it too much? No it's too little. Oh my in laws have a budget for the family of THIS MUCH? How can I afford that? I should get my mom something nice. But how nice?" GUYS. It's so freaking much. Especially when I really enjoy buying everyone presents and I love providing my kids with a super fun day. 

2. Family Matters

If you are a member of my family, please know I love and appreciate you! You also just stress me out a lil bit. (Kidding. Sort of.) I think the most stressful part of family and holidays is meeting everyone's expectations. Everyone wants to see us and the kids at certain times and certain places. And me being me, I want to meet all of those expectations- and doing so makes my mental health tank. Not to mention the silent (or not so silent) judgement on every dang life choice I've made and my parenting. “You still have just 1 kid and you're not pregnant yet? Well, where are those grandbabies?? Can't make me wait forever!” “Your two year old is having a meltdown because he's overstimulated? Well, in MY day that wasn't tolerated!” “You gained some weight over the past year? Well, you know dear, if you just cut down on those sweets, maybe you'd lose the babyweight.”

And that's not even counting the sideways glances while you try to wrestle your preschooler into the family photo or nurse your baby without an audience. Even writing this is making me stress sweat. 

3. Pressure to do #allthethings.

Breakfast with Santa. Christmas lights downtown. Visiting Ye Old Candy Shop where they make candy canes behind the glass window. Advent calendars. Christmas mini sessions with your favorite photographer. Shopping for the Christmas tree. Christmas Eve service. 

Seriously, even writing this list makes me want to cry. I cannot physically, mentally, emotionally or financially do all the fun holiday things with my kids. And here's the thing- I WANT TO. I want to give my kids a magical holiday experience. I want to meet up with the grandparents and cousins and do this stuff. But my mental health cannot take it. Being out with my kids exhausts me on a normal day- much less in the winter when I have to deal with carseats, coats and strollers in the freezing cold, or stress out about them keeping their cute Christmas sweaters clean. And then I see my friends on IG with their kids in matching neutral color clothes and going on sleigh rides and I feel like a crap mom because our holiday fun was slice and bake Christmas cookies- and even then, I cried halfway through because the mess they made doing it stressed me out so bad. 

My point in writing this blog post is to help other moms like me not feel alone. Because sometimes, I sure do- and it sucks. I want other moms to have a place to vent about their in laws expectations, money stress and guilt over not doing Elf on the Shelf. I want to share with other moms the things I do to help myself when I feel overwhelmed. Because no mom should cry herself to sleep on Christmas Eve, feeling like she didn't do enough, like I did last year. 

Mama- you're doing freaking awesome. Pour yourself some eggnog and raise a toast to yourself- I'm so proud of you. Regardless of how much you spent on your kids, how many holidays traditions you did or how many times you’ve cried this holiday season- know that you are your kids best mom and that you are their greatest gift. 

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