Managing triggers during the holidays

You guys, we did it! We made it through 2021! Give yourself a toast- you’ve earned it. 

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. I so enjoyed mine- we always celebrate on Christmas Eve and it’s my favorite day of the whole year. I love watching my kids open their presents and spending the whole day relaxing with my little family. 

The days AFTER Christmas, however, were a little less peaceful. On the 26, I had decided I’d had enough time to relax and I needed to get up to clean. And I was not emotionally ready for what faced me. You see, I had set aside my normal chores- washing dishes, vacuuming, putting stuff away- for 2 days straight and my house was an absolute disaster. As I stood looking at my house, formulating a list in my mind, I felt panic and anger welling up inside me. I was so overwhelmed by everything needing to be done and I had no clue where to start. 

As I worked through my feelings and slowly started cleaning, I wondered how many other moms felt like I did- overwhelmed, triggered and not sure what to do about it. If this sounds familiar to you, here’s a checklist of things I do, especially this time of year, to work through those feelings. 

1. Reduce the chaos

My mom once told me she has a low threshold for chaos. I feel the exact same way! So I do whatever I can to minimize the mess and noise. On Christmas Day, I have a trash bag out to put all of the wrapping paper in right away. I have a big box for each kid they can put their presents into after they are opened. I use paper plates and serve really easy food. I stick to our normal bedtime routine. Same for the days we have Christmas obligations and New Years Eve- I keep things as streamlined and normal as possible. 

2. Recognize my triggers 

This has probably been one of my greatest points of growth in the last few years. I used to get angry and stressed out for seemingly no reason and I would have no idea how I got there. Now, I have a set of reactions I know to look for and recognize in myself- and I have started looking for them in my kids too! 

Everyone’s triggers are different. I’m going to write a few of mine down here, but I would highly recommend taking note of how you feel and react and working to recognize yours 

1. Getting hot or my face getting flushed 

2. Feeling panic well up in my chest 

3. Feeling an urgent sense of hurry/need to rush even if there isn’t one 

4. Laying out all of the next steps I need to do in my head, figuring out the fastest way I can get to my rest 

5. Every noise around me starts to get louder, harsher and unbearable 

Once I started to recognize my triggers, I could start heading them off once they started instead of allowing them to control me- which leads me to my next point:

3. Listening to my triggers 

I used to try and push through all of the feelings listed above, telling myself if I just tried harder or prayed more, I’d somehow develop the maturity to not feel those things anymore. Spoiler alert, that didn’t work. You don’t fix mental or emotional distress by ignoring it. So I tried a new tactic- I started listening to my body.

When I start to get hot, I take off my jacket or go outside until I’ve cooled down. When the noises in my house are too much, I put in my headphones and listen to music I enjoy. When I feel that sense of hurry, I take a deep breath, verbally remind myself that whatever is waiting can keep waiting, but my safety and sanity take priority. I’ve noticed a marked difference in my coping skills and my peace since I’ve started practicing this!

I hope these tips can help you identify your own triggers and manage them in a way that works for you. If you need more advice and support, please feel free to reach out- I’m here to help!